The Linguistic Divide: How Language Shapes Family Dynamics

 ​I am a Keralite, and while I can read and write Malayalam, I often feel the weight of its limitations in my daily life. I was raised in a somewhat sheltered environment, with my social circle mostly restricted to my parents and school friends. Through this experience, I’ve realized how deeply language shapes family dynamics.

​Though I was born into a Malayalam-speaking family, we—like many in my generation—tend to use contemporary English words instead of their Malayalam counterparts. A few days ago, I overheard my mother talking to a neighbor about a core memory involving my sister and my paternal grandmother. Back when my sister was in kindergarten, my grandmother, who had little formal education and spoke very little English, tried to show her a goat.

​She said to my sister, "Nokk, athann aadu" (Look, that is a goat). However, my sister didn't know that "aadu" meant goat, and my grandmother didn't realize my sister only knew the English word. They began to argue, and in a fit of childhood frustration, my sister actually bit my grandmother’s hand. At the time, it was just a funny family anecdote.

​However, there is a deeper side to this linguistic shift. My maternal grandmother had studied up to the ninth grade. When it came time to educate her children, she enrolled her son in an English-medium school but chose Malayalam-medium for her three daughters. This decision was rooted in a patriarchal mentality that prioritized the son's global prospects over the daughters'. Witnessing this discrimination firsthand, my mother vowed that she would never opt for Malayalam-medium education for her own children, no matter the cost.

​Today, I find myself in a middle ground; I don’t feel fully fluent in either Malayalam or English. When I mention that I struggle with written Malayalam, people often mistake it for "showing off," but for my family, it is a lived reality. My sister and I both face difficulties using our native tongue effectively, a challenge shared by many in our generation. Ultimately, language is more than just communication; it reflects a family's history, their struggles, and how they choose to navigate society.