THE SCARECROW IN THE LIGHT.

 Sometimes I feel there is a glitch in my mindset. I tell myself it’s better to be alone, yet the solitude hits me with a weight I can’t carry. I have friends, but the silence between us feels intentional. Aside from Farhana and Ishal, my phone remains quiet, leaving me to the mercy of my own company.

​I don’t know if this is trauma or if I’m simply living in the ghost of my past. I used to be an extrovert, a 'borderline exceptional case' in college, but now I’ve retreated into an introversion I never asked for. I find myself calling friends 24/7, not because I have much to say, but because I am haunted by the silence. I am terrified of being an attention-seeker, yet I am starving for care.

​There is a specific kind of pain in being the 'scarecrow'—darkly existing in the light while everyone else is busy taking pictures and capturing moments. I am there, but I don’t belong. The most painful part? The carelessness people show toward missed calls. I could never ignore a friend, yet I am the one constantly met with rejection and silence. I’ve tried to make books my best friends, but even a library cannot replace the need to be truly seen."

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